Three Little Lies - A Short Story by Me

by - 4:23 PM

“Where were you last night? What made you think you could disobey the Lord Heron’s orders at your leisure? Have you an alibi, criminal? Have you a story?”
“As a matter o’ fact, I do.”
The confrontation was taking place in the overly-decorated office of an officer in the royal guard. The officer’s name was Lt. George Downey, and he thought he was superior to anybody else that had ever existed. He believed they were all the dirt beneath the cobblestones he walked upon, and they \ ought to grovel like dogs whenever they saw him, him, Lieutenant George Downey, a man of scholarly disposition and impeccable virtue. 
Sitting across from him, lounging all-too-comfortably on his favorite velvet armchair (a luxurious thing of green and gold that had been a gift from the Duke Cernelius), was a personage of exactly the opposite attitude and appearance. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties and was dressed in the soiled, ripped guard of the common folk. Her hair was tangled as a bird’s nest and her breath horrid. By all of this she seemed perfectly normal, if a bit unhygienic, lowest-class filth, but the Lt. saw a couple of other factors that worried him, and Lt. George Downey never worried. One factor was that some of the teeth she was casually picking at with a wishbone were gold. Five! Whole! Gold! Teeth! Nobody except the top crust of the nobility would be able to afford five gold teeth here! So where could she have gotten them? And the other factor was that she was grinning. Cheekily. No one who was arrested and brought into Lt. George Downey’s office grinned at him, and much less cheekily. He made sure his reputation as a swift executioner took care of that.
But worrying over mundane – well, perhaps major, although he would be loath to admit it – matters like this would not help him get an answer out of this, this vagabond, so Lt. George Downey leaned forward in his seat and said, “Really? Really? You actually have a valid excuse for not obeying the Lord Heron’s summons last night? He ordered that every single person in this town would come to the execution of the High Lady Wilmot! Messengers knocked on every door, and criers shouted it loud in every street! And you say you had a valid excuse to miss it. Come then,” and here he folded his hands and rested his chin on top of them, “I would dearly love to hear it.”
“Right-o, then!” The girl sat up straight and the grin widened, if that was possible. “Well, ye see, I couldn’t attend the hanging ‘cause I was busy runnin’.”
“Running.” The Lt.’s tone clearly indicated what he thought of this.
“That’s right, guv!” the girl exclaimed happily. “Yer catchin’ on! I was runnin’ away from a wizard up north. I used to be his ‘prentice, see, but then he started treatin’ me mean, so I bolted! Like a flash of lightning, I did! And to get revenge for the mean ways he had treated me, I took seven of this finest spells along with me! Why, I could turn you into a frog right now!”
“Really?” The Lt. raised his eyebrows. “Then be my guest and try.” He sat back in his seat and spread his arms wide invitingly.
“What! Ye expect me to do spells without a wand?” The girl was incredulous.
“Well, where’s your wand?” asked the Lt. He was getting very impatient, but took great pains to prevent his face from showing it. 
“Uuueeeer…….” The girl scratched her head, and down floated some dandruff onto the Lt.’s furniture. He really did try not to flinch, he really did try, but he couldn’t help it. “Oh, I remember!” exclaimed the girl suddenly, brightening up considerably. “I lost it runnin’ here!”
“Well, then clearly you have no basis upon which to prove your story, not that anyone would believe it anyway, commoner,” snarled the Lt. He was not a patient or tolerating man, and this girl was very irritating. 
“That’s right!” chortled the girl. “Can you believe I was lyin’?”
“I had no idea,” muttered the Lt.
“Well then, all right, here’s the truth,” whispered the girl ominously. “I was flyin’, not runnin’, flyin’! Flyin’ way up above the clouds, on a pegasus! Her name was White Winter, and we was battling the evil magician who was king of the eagles! The evil magician’s name was Ravanion, and his eagle-mount was called Sharp. And I went after Ravanion with me magic sword, ooh, what a rumpus that was! And White Winter and Sharp went at it hoof and beak, and they was tearin’ into each other somethin’ hard, and-”
“About as likely as the previous tale,” interrupted the Lt. But before he could get in another sound, the girl started off again.
“You’re right!” she exclaimed. “I was forgetting, I battled the evil Ravanion last week! Last night,” and here she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “I was in me pirate ship in a huge storm that had come up out of the west! Ohhhh, it was a fearsome storm, it was, and it nearly sank me ship right down to the very depths of the great green waves! But luckily my treasure had a magic spell put on it by the Dwarves who delved it, and so it protected me from the wrath of the wa-”
“Please!” sighed Lt. George Downey, wearily putting his head in his hands. “Just tell me the truth this one last time, and if it’s one of those ridiculous fairy-stories of yours you will go straight to the execution block with no trial, no questions asked, for disobeying the Lord Heron’s direct orders.” Slowly at first, then faster and faster as the speech had progressed, the Lt.’s voice had gone from a tired whimper to his old, smirky, confident hiss.
The girl sighed. It appeared she was truly defeated, for her desire to live outweighed her desire to irritate the officer further. So she stood up wearily, clasped her hands behind her back like a schoolgirl, sighed again, and admitted, “You got me, guv. I must now tell you the truth, no more dozens, no more fun, just the plain old truth. Well, here it is.” She took a deep breath. “I’m a Dark Lord in disguise and have come to take over this town and use it as a base from which I will spread my dark hand of shadow and despair all over the world.”
The Lt. laughed mockingly. “It’s the execution block for you,” he said.
“Ah, no, friend,” grinned the girl, skipping out the door. “That one wasn't a lie.”
And that nameless girl remained a puzzle for several days. When the Lt. sent guards after her, they came back empty-handed and claimed that there had been no sign of her anywhere, that she’d just disappeared. The Lt. had mailed in a request to have them fired, then had a good laugh with his cocktail friends over the incompetence and uncivilization of the guards and the girl.
But none of them were laughing anymore on the fourth day since the incident, when the Dark Lord came out of hiding and decided that now was the time to, as he had so accurately stated to Lt. George Downey several days before, “spread my dark hand of shadow and despair all over the world.”

Comment below and tell me what you think! :) Have a lovely day, and remember that you are all very beautiful pickles.


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  1. THAT WAS SO GOOD! I really liked it :). Was this part of a book you were writing or just a short story?
    Seriously though you should post more things you write I love all of it so much!

    1. Thank you so much!!! :) Just a short story. I wrote it at that creative writing camp I went to last summer.
      Maybe I will :). I have a couple things I possibly could.

      - Ellie

  2. That was really good! You are a great writer.

  3. I really liked it! You should post more stories!

  4. Dear lord, Ellie, you've got a talent.

    1. Aw, dear, thank you so so much. :)

      - Ellie

  5. I think someone is channeling Terry Pratchett! Especially at the beginning part.
    It's interesting to see all the different styles of writing. JK Rowling is different from L Frank Baum is different from Rick Riordan is different from Terry Pratchett. I wonder what makes them different?
    I have also noticed that we write like the people we read most recently.
    Tis interesting.


    1. Perhaps the sort of thing they read/are exposed to.
      We do. Perhaps it is because their writing style is freshest in our brains.
      'Tis indeed.

      - Ellie

  6. I am very intrigued, and I do hope you decide to continue the story on this blog. : )
    Your writing style is admirable, I love all those descriptive adjectives you used(one of my favorite things to look for while reading.)
    I also like how you diffrentiated the "girl" from the "lieutenant" quite differently. Even though the liutenant seemed most upright and dignified, he still seemed very silly and unwise.
    Keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you so much! It's intended to be a stand-alone, but if I write a sequel, I'll be sure to share it! :)
      Thank you again! :) Yes, he thinks he's all that and a bag of chips, but really he's just the bag of chips. If even that.
      I will! Thanks so much again!

      - Ellie

    That was hilarous! And well written, :)
    ~The evil emoji queen


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