|| i walk a little of both worlds ||

by - 11:02 AM

I like black.

But I also like circle skirts, cardigans, and boho.

I like My Chemical Romance.

But I also like Sabrina Carpenter.

I like Fall Out Boy.

But I also like Tori Kelly.

I like Tumblr.

But I also like Pinterest.

I like Interneting.

But I also like shopping.

I like Hot Topic.

But I also like Macy's.

I like being alone with me, myself, and I.

But I also like hanging out with old friends and making new ones.

I walk a little of both worlds.

I'm not "emo" or "mainstream girly", I'm somewhere in the middle.

I'm not black or white, I'm a shade of grey.

And that's okay.


Don't feel pressured to fit in with the "bands and emo" people. And don't feel pressured to fit in with the "Pinterest-y, photography, lifestyle" people. Just be yourself and love yourself. It's okay to be a shade of grey. If people don't appreciate you because you don't fit perfectly into "their" mold, then they're not worth your time.

Idk man. I mean I'm not a bands/emo person, but I'm not photography/lifestyle either. I'm a bit of both. And I always feel pressured to conform to one mold whenever I'm commenting on a blog of someone who fits one of those molds or I'm or talking with them in the comments of my blog.

Maybe the reason I don't include more pop songs in my SIBL posts is because I'm afraid to.

Because on one side of things, I'm scared the girly, cheerful people who like popular artists will judge me for wearing lots of black and listening to MCR and FOB.

Like if I comment about FOB and Tumblr they'll think "Ummm she's weird."

But on the other side of things, I'm scared the band people will judge me for loving shopping, socializing, pop music, and being a bit girly.

Like if I comment about candles and pop, they'll think "Umm she's shallow and annoying. What does she think she's doing listening to our music?"

The main thing I'm bothered about (and I was going to do a separate post for this but it seemed too similar to my identity insecurities so I figured I'd just combine them) is that there seems to be quite a lot of shaming of people who like "that mainstream meaningless pop" (not trying to quote anyone) on here. Maybe you haven't thought about this, but some people, like Ariana AGDollDiary on Instagram, were saved by pop the way you were saved by metal. She had anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and mono, and she once resorted to cutting and almost ended her life. And what helped her pull out of it and feel more confident in herself? Her favorite musicians: Dove Cameron, Ariana Grande, and Sabrina Carpenter. Yes, they produce pop music. But that doesn't make them or her life worth any less than yours or "your" musicians.

Everyone is equal, and no one is a bloody "shell of a person" because of their music taste, be it metal, country, or, yes, even pop.

When you say pop music is worth less than metal and alternative and it doesn't really "mean" anything, you're saying the lives of people like Ariana don't "mean" anything, that the music that saved them doesn't matter. Believe it or not, pop music can save people too. Just as much as Gerard Way and Cody Carson and Pete Wentz can.

And of course, not everyone who listens to metal does this. But to those of you who do: don't give me "of course everyone's music tastes are equal I've been saying that all along". You fucking know you haven't, and it fucking needs to stop.

Yes, you are worth something.

But so are the people who listen to pop.

Idk this is just something that's been bothering me for a long time and I felt like I really need to say it. 

And do me a favor? I don't want you to comment all like "OMG I agree I hate when people shame pop music!!!" when you're one of the people who does it. If you're not going to own up to it to at least a degree, then don't comment at all.


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  1. Thank you so much for this.
    And I CANT ever comment "wow i hate people who shame pop music!!1" because I was one of them not even a year ago, and I *still* sometimes judge people for music they listen to and immediately beat myself up for it because I've said so many times on the internet "stop shaming people for what they like and who they are" and then immediately turn around and do it myself.*
    But I do actually like pop music too, and like what you said, I'm just scared to tell people, because for some ridiculous reason, we're all in this mindset that liking anything popular is a bad thing. I listen to a little bit of MCR every once and a while, but I do also really do love things like Rihanna and Marina and the Diamonds (and also I've just gotten into Sabrina Carpenter too!!).
    And also, I know what you mean by walking a little of both worlds. One thing that I hate admitting on here is that I actually really love things like dresses and I don't always spend my time in Hot Topic and I don't always like heavy music. And because of that, I feel really distant from all of my friends recently and don't feel like I necessary belong with them anymore. I've been trying to convince myself that I don't have to conform to any label if I don't want to. I can just be me and that's all.
    Anywho, thank you for this, I really needed the reminder. :)

    *which is mostly why those posts aren't meant just for anyone on the internet who needs it, but also me, because wow do I need to chill. Because if there's one thing I need to learn it's to stop being such a special snowflake and learning to accept everyone else because they're 100% valid to and the things that they like are just as important to them as the things that I like are to me.

    1. Same though. I used to do a lot of the "typical white girl" shaming stuff but not I've realized oh shit I actually love shopping and I want to try Starbucks one day. I'm by no means perfect, but I'm improving.
      Same. I guess because to be off-beat and "hipster" is seen as cool, whereas "mainstream" stuff is just "oh those things everyone likes, and because everyone likes them they're not special". And Hozier is my balm on bad days, and I guess he's technically alternative but his sound seems to be to be a lot more acoustic-y than most alternative is, and I know lots of people on here would't consider him alternative, or at least the type of alternative most commonly listened to in our little comm.
      YAY YAY YAY SABRINA CARPENTER she's awesome man. Her voice is just wow. Have you listened to her cover of "The Lonely" by Christina Perri yet? If not, YOU NEED TO.
      Same. I shop a lot more in the big department stores, like Macy's and Dillard's that often only carry the "trendy", girly stuff. Like there are no band tees or knee-high converses, it's mainly gauze kimonos and twirly skirts and stuff. And I actually really like that kind of clothing. I feel like a princess when I wear a skater skirt, and I also listen to The Black Parade sometimes. And those things don't have to be contradictory.
      Oh, dear. You should be you. You is awesome!!
      Yeah, I feel really awkward being girly around my friends. (Except Olivia because she's probably the girlies person I know.) (in a good way.) Because they kind of view me as the "tough" (hard to believe I know right) and fiery one of the group, and tbh I think they would be more shocked to learn I shop at Dillard's than that I shop at Hot Topic. And the rest of the class views me as the stereotypical nerd that only likes classical music and doesn't know what fashion is or what bands are. And ugh I hate it.
      Welcome, love. <3

  2. i think i'm a shade of gray too. granted, i'm a pretty dark shade of gray, as i do lean more towards the "emo" side of things, but i am in no way "emo" at all (though technically emo is short for emotional so in a way everyone is emo). i personally love being with people, but only the people i care about. i love shopping, but bring me in a store like aeropostale where a lot of preppy 12 year olds shop and i'll walk right out because that's just not me. i'm actually a generally happy person. i smile a lot, laugh too much, and always have something to look forward to, no matter how small. yet i'm always looking on the downside of everything, too. i don't wear makeup because i don't want to, but at the same time i have absolutely nothing wrong with anyone else wearing it, whether it be a large amount or small. i wear mostly black, my wardrobe is mainly flannels and band merch, and i rarely wear anything other than converse or vans. but i love keeping up with the trends as well to get inspiration for sewing doll outfits, since a lot of the trends are pretty cute, just not my style.

    one thing that's solid about me, however, is that i'm a hypocrite.

    yeah, i hate when people bitch about someone else's music taste. but do i talk shit about pop music on occasion (or more than that)? sure i do. is that right? nope. just because "my" bands have deeper meanings in songs than say taylor swift's doesn't mean i'm allowed to say everything she writes is crap and that there's no purpose to it.

    this type of stuff happens all the time to the 5sos fandom. some of us like one direction and 5sos, which gets some hate from more "hardcore, punk" 5sos fans, and some of us like bands such as pierce the veil and set it off (*hint hint* me), which a LOT of people that think they're the poster child for punk rock or metal throw us under the bus saying things like we can't like these bands because we like 5sos and they're all pop and shit and meaningless and a boring, try hard boy band.

    i guess what i'm trying to say is that i've been on both sides of this, and each side sucks. also i feel like this is somehow an indirect about me so i apologize for whatever i did to offend you/push you over the edge.


    1. I would go ahead and agree that we all are.
      Christ, the 5sos fandom sounds awful. I feel bad for you. Everyone should be able to like what they like, no matter what else they like. (if that made sense.)
      Idk, not specifically you but I guess kind of. I feel like it's kind of the stuff like "'my' bands have deeper meanings in their songs". First of all, it's not good to generalize an entire genre. Sure, punk/rock bands may generally write their songs with deeper meanings, but not always - and then again, you don't personally know the writers of pop music, so you don't know. Second of all, you connecting more to metal than pop doesn't mean other people don't connect more deeply to pop than metal and that it doesn't mean just as much in their lives as punk means in yours.
      But yeah, it's fine. Seriously, dear, I'm not ultra mad at you, and tbh I really hope you're not mad at me.

    2. just like you don't personally know the artists writing the songs, you don't always know bloggers and what they mean to say as opposed to what actually comes out.
      *wink wink*

  3. When I was younger, I was completely and utterly guilty of judging people and their tastes; bashing them about what they did, and what they liked. Over the years, as I started to get more into music/figuring out what my own personal tastes were, I realized how idiotic I'd been and made to stop that.
    I don't see what genre of music has to do who a person is as a whole. So somebody likes pop, who cares? It's a style of music-- it's not reflective of somebody's morals or whatever.
    Most of my music falls on the heavier side of things. I listen to mostly alternative/rock. But there's also a crapload of pop that I positively adore too. Marina and the Diamonds, Owl City, Ed Sheeran, Fun., etc. It's completely stupid to think that people should listen to one type of music only. And yes, I love me some band shirts. But I also really adore pastel colors, and my pink hoodie, and dresses and everything that supposedly can't be associated with liking heavier music. I'm not white. I'm not black. I'm gray, or maybe just some weird rainbow that's completely off the charts.
    And yeah, I may not be a fan of say, One Direction. But you bet I smiled like hell when I saw that someone I follow finally got to see them live in concert, after being a fan of theirs for years. Seeing other people be happy about what they love in turn makes me happy; regardless of whether I like the thing, or even know what it is.
    I try hard to be conscious about others and their music tastes. Maybe I've accidentally said something before on my blog/elsewhere. I don't know. If I have, I'm truly sorry. I know that all music, and all musicians, have the power to save lives and make people feel better.
    xo Adi

    1. Exactly. Listening to pop doesn't make you shallow, listening to metal doesn't make you depressed. People need to chill.
      IKR. Other people getting excited about music makes me excited for them about music. If that made sense.
      Don't worry about it, darling. I know you would never do anything with a purposeful intention to hurt.
      *in which I print out your last sentence and tape it up all over town*

  4. Yup.
    I'm ashamed to say I've done that. - judged someone by their appearance/ taste in music before I even got to talk to them.
    It was a mistake- we wound up talking about Harry Potter and other geeky stuff!

    I'll come back when I have more to say. Somehow comments have gotten just as terrifying as normal conversation.

      I'm so sorry. You can always email me if you'd like.

  5. I agree with literally every single statement in this post. I'm a very positive, feminine, pop song and Pinterest kind of girl, but I still have every right to wear a lot of black and listen to FOB and P!ATD, etc. I'm really glad to have found a post that I relate to so much. By the way, I just descovered your blog and I'm loving it!

      Thank you so much, love, your comment made my day. :)


    I have a band dedicated Tumblr and I'll post a picture of my Hot Topic haul and people will notice the little Macy's bag in the corner and be like 'ew you shop at Macy's' And when I talk to my 'girly' friends about bands, they'll look at me like I'm a freak.

    I am a shade of gray. In the middle, light and dark, like you described. Your music taste doesn't define you. Some people who like Ariana Grande are emoish. I try not to judge a person based on their music playlist, or band shirt.

    Thank you again for this because this post basically describes my life.


      Exactly. That is a very good mentality, one I think we should all try to emulate.
      Welcome, love. <3

  7. Thank you Ellie.

    This is my life.

    Black and skirts plus overalls and button ups with lace. My favorite shirt is black with a white moon. It has this really open back that looks kinda like a cage. It's one of my FAVORITE shirts ever. It kinda represents me- a bit of both.

    As for music, dance has influenced my tastes SO MUCH. That's how I've found Lorde- My teacher used Yellow Flicker Beat for a contemporary solo I loved. Idk how I found Sabrina Carpenter or FOB when I did something clicked.

    I love tumblr and Pinterest too. I'm also using We Heart It.

    It's funny how Music was always a private thing in my 'real world'* life. No one knew I liked FOB or P!ATD until I heard my sisters Best Friend listening to Fourth Of July in Her room. (I bursted in and started singing with her. My sister thought I was nuts) I didn't tell my friends until September. It wasn't like I was embarrassed: I just never mentioned it.

    Heck, there's so much my friends don't know about me. Only one of my best friends knows about my blog. They think I'm an open book. I guess I'm a girl with secrets.

    Thanks again for writing this.

    *I use Real World as in my life outside the internet.


    1. That sounds like a very excellent wardrobe, darling.
      Cool! It's awesome you can use something you love as a way to find other things you love (idk if that makes sense). And yeah, I know what you mean by the "clicked" thing. People can have things from many different genres that click with them, and others shouldn't judge them for that.
      What is this We Heart It?
      I wish I could be more open about my music tastes irl, but most people, who view me as that stereotypical nerdy girl, would think I was faking it if I talked about FOB or MCR.
      Yeah, I know what you mean. Only my very best friend knows about mine. I've just always wanted to keep my online life completely separate from my irl life, I guess.

  8. It's amazing to me how people can like so many totally different things. We are each a mixture of stereotypes and cliches, that we can't fit into just one. We are our own person. Yes, it might seem weird, but don't give up on the things you love, even if they don't seem to go together. They do go together. They go together to make you. *end rant*

  9. Oh oh oh music.
    There's a sore subject.

    Let's just say...a year ago, no...eight months ago, I was this uppity musical tasteful git.
    Oh boy.

    Then again, I had songs I loved, like...1D You Don't Know You're Beautiful, and a host of barbie songs. "Hope has Wings"
    And just....I love these songs still.
    I've found more and more artists I love.
    Weird dark things, TS, a great artist named Bea Miller, and just hosts of other things.
    I'm not going to judge music tastes, not anymore. Because it honestly is the least of anyone's concerns, what you listen to.
    That's your choice. My choice, ya know...it just doesn't even matter that I like breakup songs and silly Wizard Rock, Lemme be who I am. It's funner this way.

    Good post, thanks for this Ellie. =)

    1. Yes, I would say I'm one of the people who secretly liked that song. I got a little annoyed that it played so much, but I did like it. I guess another thing is you shouldn't be ashamed to like pop because you think it's only what the "boy-crazy" and "shallow" girls like, and if you like it you'll be shelved in with them. You shouldn't be.
      Bea Miller is awesome! I've only heard a couple of her songs, but she sounds pretty good.
      I agree. Just let people like what they like. It's not your fucking job to go around being the music taste policeman.
      Welcome, love. <3

  10. Thank you so very much for this post, Ellie. I can relate to it on so many levels. I'm also a shade of grey, I think. And that's totally fine.



    1. Welcome, love. It is - whoever you are is awesome.


    But seriously, this is honestly beautiful, and relatable on every level.

    I'm not black, white, or grey for that matter. I don't have a colour - I'm just me.

    - www.whatlexieloves.blogspot.com

      I'm just me. I like that. We should all just be us.

    2. this is COMPLETELY random but sabrina carpenter actually came from where i live. xD i also take credit for lady gaga. xD like, i've driven past both celebrity's "birthplaces". idk why i said that but i just thought it was kinda cool.


      - Ellie

    4. tbh i had no idea that she did until one day sc came up in conversation for whatever reason and my friend grace was like "oh yeah she's from somewhere like ten minutes from here" and i immediately thought of you. xD

      Nah, I've always thought PA sounded really interesting! What with the history and stuff, Revolutionary War and all that.

      - Ellie

    6. Certainly much more interesting than Montana. Have you ever been to Montana? I drove through it once. It was the most boring three hours of my life. It's literally just fields and sky without a house in sight. And it was an overcast day, so it wasn't even pretty.
      (Wyoming was pretty much the same.)


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