Perfect Circles

by - 12:54 AM

None of us are perfect circles.

We all have that kink or bend that makes us imperfect. Maybe it's something we don't notice and our attention needs to be brought to, that hey, no matter how popular or cool you think you are, you're still imperfect, like the rest of us.

Maybe it's something our attention needs to be brought away from.

Lots of people study the dents in their circles. They try to pop them out or pull them in to make themselves "perfect". But, the truth is, you will never be a perfect circle. And who on earth would want to be?

Perfect circles are boring. They just go round and round and look the same all over. No one wants to be a perfect circle. But the imperfect circles - those are fascinating. Those have quirks and kinks that make them unique, unlike any other circle, perfect or imperfect, out there.

Imperfect circles have stripes of all different colors and they're shaped in many different ways. But perfect circles are all just boring, all just the same.

Some people think that they're perfect circles and like to call others out for not being so. But those people who think they're perfect circles? They're not. And the people they call out for being imperfect? Those people are beautiful.

It's tough and it's hard. Life sucks and people suck. There are days when you want to throw yourself out of a window and be done with it. There are plenty of days when I want to do that. Baby, if you only ever do one thing for me, do this - remember that there's always someone out there who loves you. There will be a person from across the classroom. There will be a cousin or an aunt or an uncle. There will be a teacher. And even if there's no one in your life who you feel like loves you, there will always be someone on Twitter, Tumblr, or any other site - someone who loves you to death even though you've never met them, maybe they're just a random name in your feed or someone you've never even heard of. There will always be someone.

And I want you to remember how much that person loves you. I beg you to take it and hold it close to your heart because you are precious and beautiful and so is your life and even if no one has ever treated you like something, even if no one has ever been interested in anything you have to say, say it anyway, say it right into their faces because you do have something to say, you do have something to offer this world even if no one's ever made you feel like you have.

Love yourself, please, baby. Drink some water - it'll clear your acne and refresh you. Eat a bit of food - it'll ease those headaches and your aching stomach. No, you're not fat. Don't say that. Curl up under a blanket and cry if you want to - just don't cry too long. Wash yourself up - you'll feel better and healthier. Treat yourself to a new bottle of lotion or a bright bath bomb. Wouldn't that be lovely, a bath bomb? Take care of yourself - and when you start taking care of your physical health, your mental health will follow. You'll feel so, so much better. And rediscover what you love - scroll through Hot Topic or a fanpage for your favorite musician again.

Things take time - but take all the time you need.

In conclusion, babe, I love you. Please, if you ever do one thing for me, don't let this day on earth be your last. There are storms - but storms always end. Even if it's a flood of Biblical proportions, it'll still end. You can be okay - I know you can.

If you ever need to chat, my inbox is always open. I don't care how insignificant or stupid you think your problem is or if you don't even know me. Always means always.

- Ellie

(pics via Olivia and Abigail and a ton of other awesome people.)

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  1. Thank you.
    I've really needed a hug this week and this is about as close as it gets, considering how much I dislike everyone around me, making hugs less than desireable.
    (I can't tell if I'm joking or not. This is scary.)

    Nothing particularly horrible happened. It's just tests and homework and other humans (as usual) stressing me out. Lots of noise and sights and textures. Everything around me feels really chaotic. Sensory overload might be a word for it?. By the time the day is over I need to curl into a ball of darkness and silence. Or maybe just scream. The first option would probably be better.
    But I know it will because I thought the same thing a few weeks ago and survived, didn't I? It's a cycle, and it's going to get boring real fast.
    I should probably start eating more than just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at lunch. Vegetables would be a good idea. And water.
    It's really hard to imagine someone loving you- that person across the Internet or across the classroom. But the thing is I do it all the time- think about the decent people I've met and the brilliant humans of this world and I wonder if they know that they've made me happy in some small way or another, and that I'd love to see them or hope that they are happy too. So why is it so hard to imagine someone else thinking about you in your unique brilliance every now and then?
    Being a human is so weird.
    I'd have no problem being some sort of astral being, floating in the emptiness of space or flinging stars across the universe and watching everything spin and evolve.

    Was your Halloween as excellent as you hoped? I didn't wind up doing a costume. Too lazy. But my my big cousin Jack went as Bob Ross and his girlfriend Riley went with him as a happy little tree, which was super cute.

    1. Oh dear.
      *eternal hugs*
      Sensory overload sounds about right.
      Ugh, I know the feeling. Sometimes I have a ton of long-term projects and papers coming due and the school day hasn't been particularly stunning and I just feel like I want to hide under my quilt with my pillow and Pooh Bear and escape from the world forever.
      Yeah, I know that mindset. I get stuck in it far too often.
      It does. After the novelty and excitement of starting a new school year wears off, it gets old really fast.
      Sandwiches are a good solution to almost any problem.
      IKR!?!? I once saw a Tumblr post that had a picture of Eric and Ariel sitting together, and Eric was looking at Ariel lovingly but Ariel was looking at something off in the distance. And someone commented "I wish someone would look at me the way Eric looks and Ariel" and someone else said "Maybe they do, you're just not looking when it happens." Or something like that. Anyway, it made me feel better.
      Well, where I live we celebrate Halloween on the 30th, but I couldn't go trick or treating because Cara was in the school play and I promised I'd go and see her and that was the only night I could make it. But last night I did get to go to a Halloween party one of my classmates was hosting, and Cressida and Reagan and Olivia and Zach and I all went and we bounced on the trampoline and hung out in the treehouse and made s'mores and attempted Satanic rituals and it was all very fun.

  2. This is beautiful Ellie. Thanks for all the reminders too, they are definitely things I need to hear at the moment. <3

    1. Thank you so much, love. <3 You're welcome.

  3. This was such a sweet and lovely post and it made my day. I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart, thank you dear Ellie for this beautiful post.


    1. Thank you so much, darling. <3 That means so much to me. :)

  4. Thank you for this Ellie.
    It's been sort-of the same week for me as it has for Gwen, I think. Too many people, too much to look at and too much noise.
    This year in school we're doing the learning for our exams that get us into uni, and the more the teachers go on about the importance of them (which they've been doing since the start of year eight) and they pile on the pressure, the more I don't want to work, because I think it's unfair for us all to have to sit and work all day and then revise all night with all that pressure on us and have hardly any time to do anything we want, but then the more I think to myself "right, you've done enough, you can do it tomorrow" the more I stress out because I 'need' it to be done today, and then I tell myself I need to work harder and do more stuff, but then the whole cycle starts again and it's just so flipping stressful. So after having seven-eight weeks of doing exactly that, this week I've been freaking out because I've not done some stuff but at the same time I've worked too hard, and problems with my friends and it's too much.
    If that made any sense, I applaud you xD
    Again, thanks Ellie. This helped a lot.

      But anyway. I totally get the feeling. You have a ton of stuff due and you think "okay I'll do this this and this tonight" but then you spend most of the night Pinteresting and Bloggering and get super tired and headache the next day and you feel like you've done so much but you've really done so little.
      <3 *hugs + blankets* I hope it'll get better soon, darling, I really do.
      Welcome, love. :)

  5. Ellie, I think this was the most beautiful thing I've ever read. You may find this weird, but I'm a weird person so I will tell you anyway: I think I'm going to copy and paste this whole post onto the Notes app on my iPhone so I can have it with me wherever I go. I'm not even kidding right now, it was beautiful and I sort of want to read it over and over until I have it memorized.

    This was nice to read, too, after the very very very bad day I had yesterday. Don't ask about it.

    Have a lovely day. :)


    1. Thank you so so much, darling. <3 That means so much to me. Nah, I don't think it's weird at all.
      You too, babe. :)

  6. I was rereading this and I realized that this is very relatable to me, especially right now. Also, you are amazing and I love you, even if I don't know you that well.


    1. I love you too, babe. <3 I feel like I've known you a lot longer than I have.

  7. Wow I really love this. It's just so perfect and amazing and I think this is probably one of my favorite posts you've ever written.


  8. Read this again today after I had a very bad day, and it put a smile on my face. This post is really meaningful to me, I love so much and I will love it forever. :)

    1. Oh my God, thank you so much, love. That means so incredibly much to me you don't even know. Ily <3


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