Lists I: Things I Hate


  1. You. Your brains, which I have to admit are at least nearly as good as mine. Your hair, the kind I’ve always wished I had. Your friends, the ones I want. That the teacher loves you and not me when they have always loved me most before. I have always been the best at writing; it is my passion, my lifeblood, the part of my life that keeps beating and blooming no matter how dark and shadowy the rest becomes. It is the only thing I know - I ever will know - that enables me to fly as no bird has flown before. And you took it. You took everything. You are everything, everything I am and am not and aspire to be all rolled into one. And God, I hate you.

  2. My temper. It is both the most human and inhuman part of me; it is both the most life-giving and life-taking. It gives me fuel and fire and humanity, flaws and emotions and thought. Yet it rips away the opinions of others and the love of others; it throws them in the trash and never speaks to them again. Not that they would want to engage in conversation if an attempt was made. It is my highest high and my lowest low; it is intoxicating energy followed by:

  3. The hurting. The fact that it’s bad enough to make me want to disappear forever, to puff out of existence, to be both a “not now” and a “never have been”. The fact that it makes me want to see blood and feel blood, touch pain and feel pain; the fact that it makes me want to throw away all my happiness just so it fucking stops. Yet it’s still not painful enough or bad enough for other people to care or think I should. It’s not enough to want to hurt yourself; it’s not enough to want to die. It’s only enough when you actually do.

Namarië,
Ellie
SaveSave

3 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to hating my temper. I hate the way it makes me act, and how it hurts the people around me.
    I also tagged you in the bookish tag!
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

    ReplyDelete
  2. First your new header design thing looks so good and professional. Second awesome post!

    Nabila // Hot Town Cool Girl

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment :) they make my day. Feedback is always welcome.