Sincerely, Ellie #2

by - 4:38 PM

*all names changed*

Dear headphones,
9 times out of 10, I can't find you. In the remaining 1 time, you don't work. Remind me why I haven't thrown you away?

Dear Stephen Colbert,
Never stop existing.
(Save the bees.)

Dear Sarina,
I think you are most beautiful when you're talking to other people. Your gestures, the light you get in your face, in your hands, in your eyes. But then again, perhaps you are most beautiful when you are simply by yourself, contemplating things like your place in the world and what kind of noodles to have for dinner.

Dear homophobes,
Your worrying is sweet. But no, I don't need Jesus. No, I'm not interested in therapy. And yes, I am tired of your "concern". How can you tell?

Dear my English teacher, who's made 2 people cry this semester,
Why are you still a teacher?

Dear Alexei,
You think you're all that and a bag of chips, but you're really only half a bag of chips. And not the half with chips in it, either.

Dear obnoxiously trendy Apple Stores,
See above.

Dear my conscience,
Is it bad I celebrated when Emmerson got rejected by all but one of the colleges she applied to?

Dear Tumblr mobile,

Dear Archive Of Our Own mobile,
You're worse than Tumblr mobile. Worse! Than! Tumblr! Mobile! How is that possible? Are you run by sorcerers?

Dear God,
If you exist, you're doing a pretty lame job of it.

Dear people I care about,
I'm too shy to talk to you 75% of the time, but 100% of the time I'm still here.


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  1. I absolutely adore this Ellie! I would love to see this as a meme all over the book blogosphere if you decided to take it community wide. I love your bag of chips analogy, it's insulting under the surface but that'll fly over so many people's head. I love the random thoughts and this has made my day <3

  2. Ahhh, thank you so much! It actually was about a year (?) ago, which is when I did my first one. Recently, I remembered how much I liked doing it and decided to do another!

    - Ellie

  3. I love this so much! I used to write snippets similar to this in a journal to sum up a day or experience. Only I would sign them off like "-disgusted in the daytime" or "-why is the sky blue" or something to that effect. Also, SO on board with apple right now. I have a mac and the fracken power cable broke (a super duper common issue with macs) and they're 90 DOLLARS FOR A NEW ONE. What?? w h a t ??? Luckily, my dad was able to fix mine with his handiness :P I agree with Kelly that this would be fun to do as a meme of sorts!

    1. Ahhh, that's such a cool idea! Haha, I love your sign-offs :) MY CHARGER BREAKS ALL THE TIME. My dog steps on it? DEAD. I plug it into the wrong socket? DEAD. I breathe around it? DEAD. Thank God for your dad XD

      - Ellie

  4. Aw, I love these! And I laughed at the headphone ones...also to add to that, why do they insist on knotting themselves up into something a sailor would be proud of? Because seriously.😭😂

  5. Aww this is so great, I LOVE this idea! I am 100% in agreement about Stephen Colbert and mobile Tumblr. Seriously, I have screamed at it "Just let me go to the regular site!" because... no. It doesn't work! Ever! I have some very choice words for your English teacher (who sounds like a real piece of work and should NOT be teaching) and homophobes who should not... I don't know, be allowed to exist with the population, because why is it any of their damn business anyway? I am giving them nasty looks on your behalf ♥

    1. Ahhh, thank you! I K R. Dear Lord, he is. He gives Bs to really great papers and gives "grammar" or "sentence structure" as the only critique, and he once spent an entire class talking about his four boats that he owns but never uses. Haha, thank you :)

      - Ellie


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